The lens of fear magnifies the size of uncertainty. Charles Swindoll
I wake up in the morning like any other day. I am feeling great and ready to conquer my day as usual, flowing in the rhythm of my daily routine and enjoying the quietness that surrounds me. I drop the kids at the bus stop, came back to my bedroom, and listen to my daily devotion.
I feel free and very motivated to do my usual morning writing, emptying the tank of my mind and refilling it with words of wisdom, courage, and empowerment. Laying down, I open my laptop and type away, as if I am the secretary of state feeling so good and accomplished for the day. I closed my laptop and get ready to jump to the shower only to realize that my left hand was numb and lifeless.
Then Comes Fear Creeping its Way In My Mind
I opened my mouth and wanted to scream for help only to realize no one was in the house. Now comes the creeping fear. What are you going to do now? I looked at my hand again and tried to shake it, and luckily I could feel my hand moving again as life returns to it. I began to celebrate and started mocking that fear ‘see my hand is working again, and I am totally fine’. Immediately after, I said that I looked at my hand again, and it seemed like my knuckle was popping out like the eyes of a cartoon character in a Halloween movie.
Fears Invite Pain
I started feeling pain and seeing my wrist blowing up like a balloon. I immediately call my husband, ‘Babe, I think something is wrong with my hands. I know my hands are skinny and a liboney, but this is unusual. Please, hurry and take me to the emergency room.’ Yeah emergency, this was not a child’s play. I can’t believe that I wanted to go to the emergency room because of my perceived swollen hands, but I did.
He hurried home, poor guy, and started calling the military clinic but unfortunately was not available.
Firing Tongues of Fire In The Waiting Moment
Words rushing out my mouth, Iike a broken fountain, not knowing whether to use calming techniques to calm my anxiety or continue speaking in tongues or praying in a known language so that God can hear me faster. Finally, I decided to say a quick prayer, ‘God, you know I have a lot to do with my hands as someone who loves writing, cooking, etc. And to put some icing to seal the deal, I promise I will only write things that motivate, inspire, empower and instill hope. Alright, now that I made a deal with him and sure he is now in control and all is well.
That became my anthem. ‘All Is Well’ I kept murmuring that while taking a shower until I had my husband’s voice, then I hurried out of the shower and showed him my hand and narrated the whole story to him. He held my hands and agreed with me that they were unusual and he continued calling. Finally, I decided to go to urgent care because I did not want to wait and needed answers immediately. I kept thinking what if this and that happens to you, what are you going to do. Then I quickly said I am not going to wait for a minute I must go right now.
Fear Enlarges My Lens But Faith Has My Back
During the drive, I kept looking at my left wrist and murmuring prayers beneath my breath and making all kinds of promises to God. Magic happened when my husband held my hands and said ‘everything will be alright.’ I felt a sense of relief as if I was waiting to hear those words. To me, those words came from God straight through his mouth. Immediately my demeanor changed and began to make jokes again. Although I felt relieved I was not out the woods yet. The doctor examined my hands, asked a few questions, and recommended an x-ray of my left hand to see my bones structure. Results came out normal, and then he talked about possible carpal tunnel syndrome and made a referral.
I came back home a different person because I got some answers. Thankfully my bones are intact, and I am not dying. I carried on on my normal routine and was able to attend school. I had a chance to laugh at the whole event in class.
When Fear Strips Off Your Superhuman Clothing You Face Own Mortality
Usually, I am pretty strong, and hardly cry when I do not feel when well. On the other hand, my dad and brother cry whenever they are not feeling well, and I always have to comfort them. That always prevented me from crying out because in my mind I have to be strong, otherwise they will not come to me when they are sick because I am also a crybaby. I knew one day I will face my mortality and realize that I am human and it is okay to cry when things go south. And that day came earlier than expected. I only wish I knew when it was going to happen so I could be prepared for it.
But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only. 37 For as were the days of Noah, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. 38 For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day when Noah entered the ark, 39 and they were unaware until the flood came and swept them all away, so will be the coming of the Son of Man… 44 Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect. Matthew 24:36-44
Tips To Completely Silence Fear After The Storm
Evidence – It is important to combat fear with evidence to silence doubt
Call For Help – When fearful, seek support from friends or family. A human touch or presence makes a difference because fear is heavier when you are alone. Even Superman needed help at times.
Do Not Skip Your Normal Routine – Once the fear subsides, continue your regular routine and do not give it chance to consume your day and steal your joy
Writing – If you are still bothered after doing the suggested tips above then write down what is still causing you fear because there is likely an underlying fear which has not been untangled yet
Do Not Be Lone – Find company or listening ear to tell your story. It helps minimize the anxiety and prevents avoidance which magnifies fear
Self-Care – Do something that makes you happy. For example, I went for a long walk before my class started and meditated on my favorite verses. I cooked dinner, another therapeutic experience for me, and read something.
Thank you for reading my story. What is your story? Please, feel free to share and comment:)